Netflix and Wahalla

The next time someone says “come over let’s Netflix and chill, nothing will I happen.” DON’T GO! IT’S A TRAP! SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN! AND MAYBE NOT EVEN THE SOMETHING YOU’RE THINKING!

On that particular day I was sitting in my house minding my business when a friend of mine called me. “Come over if you’re not doing anything na, let’s watch a movie or something.”

I wasn’t born yesterday. So, I knew that when a member of the male species says ‘let’s watch a movie’ he actually means ‘let’s fornicate.’ I had no plans to do anything with that boy so I clearly told him that if I came over nothing sexual would happen. He agreed and even said. “Haba! Na my guy you be, nothing fit happen.” I was bored so I agreed to go.

I got to his house and the first thing that hit me was heat. The house was small and there was almost no ventilation, I thought I was going to suffocate, but I stayed because “I’ve already come.”

Oya let’s start watching the movie na, oga brought his laptop and said we should sit together on his bed to watch. There was nowhere else to sit so I just agreed because at that point I was planning to lie that I had to go to church or something and escape halfway through the movie.

Like 15 minutes into the movie, he said he had to pee and went to the toilet, while he was gone, I texted my friend to call me after 10 minutes to say there was an emergency at home so I could escape. I was still looking down at my phone when I heard him come back in, I looked up and you can’t imagine what I saw……. This boy was, naked.
I was like Am I seeing nonsense because I didn’t wear my glasses today?

But no matter how much I scratched my eyes; clothes did not magically reappear on his body. Bobo yi actually went to remove his clothes ni sha.

He was just standing at the door smiling at me like I was supposed to be happy about it or something. I started looking around for my slippers and my bag, in case running became required. I made sure my voice didn’t show panic as I asked him “Guy what is going on?” and this boy just smiled wider, gestured at his penis and said “It’s big right?”

At that point I was about to cry Why is it always me jamming all the mad people in the world?

I was still hoping it was just that the heat was disturbing him and he took off his clothes so I asked again. “Why are naked?” My guy started walking closer “I know you were just forming when you said you didn’t want anything to happen. I know you like me.” I was like Which type of demon is feeding you information? I just wanted to watch film.

I shifted off the bed and started moving slowly towards the door, I wasn’t even worried about my slippers, I could just buy new slippers.
Ode paused and said “I can make you feel so good. Better than anyone ever has.” I said “But I’m not interested na, maybe another day.”
Oga didn’t even notice that I was turning the knob behind me, beofre he could say anything else, I grabbed my bag and japa . I knew he couldn’t follow me because he was naked. But I still sprinted until I got to the road. God will not let me be unfortunate.
I blocked the boy everywhere immediately I got home. Good riddance to bad rubbish!

Sheba Aderonke

Posted Oct 2nd, 2020


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