That’s how Aderonke almost died because of a boy.
See, everyone that knows me knows that I like fine boys. It is my biggest flaw, if I should just see one fine boy with nice voice my brain stops working. Liking fine boys is not supposed to be life threatening, but I still almost died because of one. Let me tell you the story.
The year was 2018 and I was dating a boy that we shall call Simon. See, Simon is a fine boy, let me not even lie, the first time I saw him I was like.
Jesu! Is it human being that is fine bayi?
He wasn’t that tall, but height is in the hands of God and honestly when you’re that fine being tall too would be an offense.
I like to think that I’m an independent woman o, but as I said, my brain turns off in the presence of fine boys so, I was completely whipped for this boy. Like demon possession, I will sacrifice my left kidney, your wish is my command level whipped.
That faithful day in the month of May, I had just finished with my lectures and rain was falling heavily. I was planning to go to my boyfriend’s house in gwagwalada but there was no bike to take me to the school gate and if I waited it would get dark and I wouldn’t be able to go. So, what did Aderonke do? I entered the rain and started trekking.
God be like I sent rain and it didn’t still stop you?
That’s how I trekked to the gate under heavy rain o, and it’s not as if it was 5 minutes trek. At that point my clothes were soaked and I was shivering.
After my long journey, I got to the gate and I couldn’t find a taxi to Gwagwalada, there were like 10 taxi drivers screaming iddo iddo iddo, and I thought about just carrying myself to my house in iddo to drink hot tea and sleep. But I did not.
Gwagwalada way, fornication dey to fornicate.
Journey started and I texted my boyfriend that I was on my way.
juss wait, I’m coming to throw it down, wa fe ku laleyi.
As I was busy texting, next thing I heard was screeeeeee and my head slammed into the seat in front of me. I looked up and the driver was struggling with the steering wheel and everybody was screaming. I started screaming too because. Jesus if I die now, I’ll go to hell fayaaaaaaaaaa.
Immediately the car finished spinning bayi I flew out and crossed the road. If someone should go to heaven after dying on your way to fornicate which mouth will you use to beg? please o, let’s know what we’re doing.
The front of the car was smashed in and even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have gotten in again. So, there I was, by the side of the road, in the middle of the rain, stranded. Because of man.
And the ode of the century award goes to…..
Rain beat beat me that day ehn, I waited by the roadside for so long before I got another car. I had catarrh for days after, and serious body pain from the accident too.
And you will not believe it, that boy last last broke up with me o.
I’ve sha learned my lesson. I only mumu for Chelsea players and Korean men now. God will not allow me to jam someone that will off my brain in real life again.
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Written by Aderonke